A STORY OF LOVE, LOSS & WHAT REMAINS
I didn’t set out
to write a book.
I started writing because my husband died, and I had things I needed to sort out and find a place to keep.
Somewhere along the way, I realized I might have written an actual story.
ANITA HADDORFF · AUTHOR
Available in Kindle, paperback & hardcover editions.
THE SAME AND NOT THE SAME
We have all lost people we love. We all have a story.
This one is simply mine.
When my husband died from a rare neurological disease, the life I had planned quietly disappeared. The world was still the same—but I was not.
As I learned to live in that changed world, I began to notice the invisible threads woven throughout our lives.
The people we love become part of how we experience the world. Maybe it’s a song, a recipe, a familiar phrase, an inside joke, or a small habit we picked up without realizing it.
Those threads become easier to see when someone is gone, but loss did not create them. They were there all along, quietly shaping how we connect, respond, and move through the world.
The Same and Not the Same is not a guide to grief.
It is one story about love, loss, and what remains—and an invitation to notice and cherish the people woven into our lives while they are still here.
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A LITTLE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Eventually, I realized I might have written an actual story.
I didn’t set out to write a book.
I started writing because my husband died, and I had things I needed to sort out and find a “place” to keep—things I wanted to remember and things I was trying to understand. Writing gave those thoughts somewhere to be: on paper, out of my head.
My therapist was the first person to encourage me to write, and my initial reaction was, “I can’t do that.” Then one day, I just started. I looked through the notes and emotional dumps I had accumulated on my phone—things I’d written when I had nowhere else for those thoughts to go, when I simply needed to let them out and believed no one else could understand.
I shared a simple draft with some of my closest friends and some of the people who had been closest to my husband. At first, I thought it might be something just for us to remember him. Then a few of them asked if I would be willing to let them share it with someone they knew who had experienced a similar loss.
Eventually, I realized I might have written an actual story.
The Same and Not the Same is my first book. It is about love and loss, but it is also about partnership, friendship, humor, memories, caregiving, and what happens when the life you knew ends but your own life keeps going.
I’m not a grief expert or therapist. I’m simply someone who lived this particular story and eventually realized there might be more to writing it than helping me sort out my own life. Maybe some of what I was trying to understand is more universal than I realized.
I’ve spent most of my professional life working with numbers. That may be part of why I’m fascinated by the things in life that can’t be calculated or easily explained.
I love music, art, travel, being outdoors, good food, long conversations, and following the odd little threads that connect people and experiences in ways we don’t always recognize until later.
I’m still figuring out what comes next.
I think that’s part of the story too.
KAROLINA ADAMS · ORIGINAL ARTWORK
Trusting, One Step at a Time
The artwork that found its way onto the cover of my book began as a gift from my sister. She and Karolina became friends through morning dog walks. Eventually, it became part of the story I wanted to share.
Scan to view the artworkTHE MORNING NEWS WITH VINEETA SAWKAR
A conversation about love, loss, and what comes next.
I joined Vineeta Sawkar to talk about my book and the story behind it.
Listen on Apple Podcasts ↗What readers are saying
“Her story is raw, honest, loving; including stories that will make you laugh out loud.”
“I cried and shared the author's grief but then felt her renewal, too.”
“This book is such a great read I finished it in a day and wish it was longer.”
A LITTLE ROOM FOR CONVERSATION
For book clubs & curious readers.
Some stories are meant to be shared. If your book club is reading The Same and Not the Same, I’ve put together a few questions to help start a conversation—not just about grief, but about love, friendship, memory, and the invisible threads connecting our lives.
Download the discussion guide ↓
Free printable PDF · 10 conversation starters · No email required
If your group would like to invite me into the conversation, you’re welcome to reach out here →
SAY HELLO
Every story begins somewhere.
Have a thought about the book, a question, or an invitation to connect? I’d love to hear from you.